i surrender!

i have been hiding in cyberspace too long. its time i step out and spread my wings. hello world, i surrender! no more secret journal keeping....and worse yet, no more non-journaling for fear of being caught!! i have so much going on in my life with my husband and the issues i face there (sexual ones, but i will address that at another time) my neurotic kids, my very serious health issues, and most importantly my love of two men. yes, its true. you heard me. two men. my hubby and my other true love, my dear old friend....the one i can never have....at least not in this lifetime anyway.

several years ago, old friend opened up a side of me that i didn't even know existed...a sexual, hungry, passionate, bawdy side! after 40+ years, i have finally found what it takes to feed my hungry heart! it was the best, most peaceful, wonderful high i have ever felt in my life! FINALLY!! however, being the realistic person that i am, i realize that my heart can never really have *it*....so hungry it will remain, with a big gaping hole in it.

i am hoping that YOU, all of YOU, can help me ease the pain and fill in some of whats missing. i have no family of my own (other than hubby and kids) and as a result i have felt alone my whole life. cyberspace and message boards were a really good thing for me. as a result, i have met people out there and have felt less alone. thats a good thing! hopefully thru this blog, i can ease the pain i live with and continue to thrive by feeling surrounded by people that care...however far flung they may be....

godspeed one and all.