oh the irony
irony. the story of my life.
i find myself awake at 12:30 am, in a situation that i have been in countless times over the past 20 years....the reason i was driven to start this whole blog escape to begin with....my sex life with my husband.
don't get me wrong, i love the man. he's adorable and funny and smart and thoughtful. my best friend as well as a great husband and dad. he saved my life the day he walked into it. we were friends before we dated, and by the time we actually "hooked up", i was already falling in love with him. so i let the fact that i knew instantly (as soon as we kissed) that we were not sexually compatable, not stand in my way. i figured we would work it out.
its hard to say where the problem lies, but truth in fact, as much as he turns me on emotionally and intellectually, he turns me OFF sexually. just tonite we got into bed both wanting nookie. it started out ok, but then digressed into the usual "stopping and talking-about-it, and restarting" episode again. as a rule, we keep on going till we get the deed done, but tonite he gave up. just rolled over and gave up. left me all high and dry (literally) but horny none the less. maybe its just me (as opposed to other women he was with before me), but he does not turn me on at all. if anything he turns me off. he's too hard, or too rough, or too lite, or too tickly, or too repetitive till the point of discomfort. he's a great dancer, but the lovin is way outa step.
as if thats not bad enough....it has gotten worse. from somewhere deep in the recesses of my psyche, after sex and from out of no where, big hot wet tears fill my eyes and break my heart while i cry quietly by myself in the bathroom. every single time. its a real drag.
i used to think i was crying from the emptiness i felt, but i have come to realize that its not exactly emptiness at all.....rather it is a feeling of being half-full....not completely sated. i have the love and affection, but not the good hard satisfying full bodied sex i need. my female side is nourished and well fed, but my male side (the one that i identify so strongly with) is woefully malnourished....hungry....
if only i hadn't let old friend into my heart. don't get me worng, i have no regrets, but ultimately, i could have lived without the tears. now i know how "full" (vs. half-empty) feels, and i want to feel that way again.
posted by ms. hungry heart @ 11:37 PM
4 Comments:
Welcome to blogland!!!
But I think you deserve a spanking for not letting me know you were in DC earlier!!!
I mean come on! Today's my last day here!!!
(I'm just teasing...welcome!)
"...i figured we would work it out. "
How often have we seen or thought these words, eh? It's been said about marriage:
A woman marries a man, hoping to change him whereas a man marries a woman, hoping that she will never change. Both hopes often never happen.
Do you see marriage therapy helping in any way, whether for you both to attend, or at least you alone if he is unwilling to join you?
Btw, many in blogland share your problems.
oh dh!! no matter what, from here on out...you will always be my first. aww. thanks.
as for the spanking, i'd love some. with just the right amount of sting to let me know: i am alive!
hope your trip went well.
rob, thanks for your comments. i never expected, nor wanted to change my man. i see life as an evolution, and figured our sexual relationship would evolve into something that worked for me. its horny frustration is all. thats the sad part. the rest of our world is ideal. i think (?!) in our case we are the sad exception to the rule. sex is NOT the symptom of the problem, sex IS the problem. so yes therapy may be the answer, but its the kind that would require a "sex" therapist. eew. shudder...
i was a very busy girl in my day. i've got so many fascinating, titillating tales to tell. i know exactly what to do...and what i need! i don't need no stinken therapy....do i?
i hate to say it, because it would be so emasculating, but its hubby that needs the lessons, not me.
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