"awkward"

that was the word he used: awkward. as in "i feel so awkward touching you."

it was last night. at first he said, i just want to touch you, hold you. i was flattered beyond words! how sweet! he just wants to cradle me in his arms...

well one thing led to another. before i realized (ha ha) what was happening, his hands were all over me. touching my breasts, my butt, my crotch. ok, so maybe this would go ok. his dick was hard, my puss was wet-ish. certainly i felt something passionate growing inside me....even if my puss was only wet-ish. his hands probed deeper and deeper. then they stopped. cold turkey.

what the fuck, i say? why did you stop? i thought i was hurting you, he says. well you were sorta...how about if i move like this? that was it. thats when i heard the fateful word: "awkward".

hey buddy, if YOU feel awkward, can you imagine how awkward that *word* makes ME feel? all of a sudden, it came to a screeching halt. once again. we lay there in silence. then he said he wanted to try again, could we please?

NO! i said. no you cannot. i cannot be played like a yo-yo. pull me in, throw me out. again and again. then what happens? i end up crying like a baby, alone in the bathroom, while you happily fall asleep all relaxed and rejuvinated. not this time buddy. its not worth it.

so i rolled over and went to sleep. he probably j/o'ed once he heard my soft, deep breathing. so be it.