subtle understanding

i am at the end (beginning?) of a long tunnel
my perspective is lengthened by
the vast division i feel
between ME
and the-rest-of-the-world

i feel so detached,
so seperated by a lifetime of differences
cultural, medical, economic, dysfunctional and abusive.
here's to those that blossomed under the best of conditions
and those of us that did not
i will basque in your light
and find strength there
i must stay strong
treading water frantically

lonely in a crowd of people,
my life may be ending within a decade or two
i feel further away than ever
i am watching you all from waaaay over here,
and see the chasm between us growing ever wider.

i never had the opportunity to feel tethered
grounded
held firm
protected
i thought i did
but i see i was wrong.

so its one big, long, vast expanse
the deeper i get
the further i go from here
the more comfort i feel there,
waiting for me
on the other side

a collective of souls
all reminding me to be patient and realistic
understand my gifts
and limitations
a quiet inner resolve
giving me strength
and a sharper focus
my hungry heart must be filled