hurry up and have fun?

its funny...and not in a ha-ha sort of way either.

with ALL that i had going on in my life, i felt like i had some control of the life i have left before me. i made the choice to put myself *out there* to open myself up to the world....to boldly go where i have not gone before (to coin a phrase!) to live life to the fullest....with all its bumps and bruises. but NOW? wow, the future is upon me. suffice to say, losing all concept of reality and time, i took a leap to the place that i may be spending eternity. its pretty dark and dreary.

did i like the view from there? am i happy with the job i did, here? the choices i made?
no, no and no. but would i do anything differently next time around? no i wouldn't. i made the best choices for me, at that time.

everyone is making such a big fuss over me and my situation. its un-nerving. i do not want to have to hurry-up-and-have-fun, before my time is up. i am not ready yet.