i am lucky

i'm so restless
i want to get this show on the road
yesterday was a good day,
today, maybe not so.

i feel funky
on my right side
all up and down
its unsettling
un-nerving

i am starting to receive visitors
they are coming in droves
i am so lucky
to have such love and devotion in my life
i feel the love, i really do
they cry for me
i cry with them

i am scared
i wonder what the chemo and radiation will be like
will it leave me permantly scarred
will i be different?

then what?
will it come back,
badder and worse than ever
i am making arrangements
i must be ready for anything