passing thoughts

when i was a little girl and my mother took me to the doctor for yet again, another ache, pain or issue....the pediatrician said to my mom when asked why i have so many problems: "what can i say? she's just *made bad*." it became a sick family joke all these years. and total prophecy. i am made bad. thank god i look good. appearance is most everything...

i have had several friends--both that know about my secret world, and NOT know--that have commented on the lack of bday gift from hubby. don't worry guys, it doesn't bother me. i know he is good for it. i am just thankful that i have this forum, this *club*, to voice who i am and how i feel. he wrote me a touching poem, and has stepped up to the plate in a way he never has before. i am grateful. it ain't nuttin but a ting...this token of my birth. i'd much rather have good health, than a trinket. its the yin to my yang...this secret pleasure....

i seem to be bleeeding like crazy from my "attic and my basement" since the seizures. getting more blood work done tomorrow morning to analyze the situation. i spit out huge mouthfuls of brite red blood today when i brushed my teeth. it scared the living shit out of me. things have calmed down for now fortunately. sheesh! yuk.

i feel too crummy to feel terribly horny. thats a blessing. the time is just rolling on by....

i am actually in a pretty good mood for someone who has all this shit hanging over them. i find that i am enjoying the simple things much more. i appreciate what i have...who i am. i am in no great rush. suddenly, life has become so much easier. i am limited in what i can do. thats a good thing (for now.) once the weather changes, i may be singing a different song, however...

****time out****

argh!!!!!! i just got off the phone with my hemotologists office. the stinker is gone for the day, did not call me back, and there is a problem regarding my coming in to get blood work tomorrow. they can't do blood work that faye ordered. wtf?!?! if he had gotten the message and called me back, he would have ordered the same goddamn thing himself. grrrrrrrrrrrrr. i am so pissed. what was i saying about being in a good mood?! argh!!!!

happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.....

the only place i can go for happy thoughts is waaay back when 'old friend' and i shared our magical times. now THAT was some kinda wonderful. despite it ALL, it still makes me smile!

no regrets. great memories. :o)