moon face

4 out of 30 radiation treatments under my belt
they get progressively worse over time
a cumlative total
zapped into my brain
they make me feel really weird
like jolts into my head
and it will make me lose my hair
i can already feel where it burns


yet, i am so bouyed by the love i feel. for someone who never got it on the front end, i sure ended up with it on the back end. i feel so fortunate. i have everything in place, my home is my sanctuary. the colors, the warmth. here, i feel safe. protected. the other day my friend said i made her day, by doing so good! my doctor asked me for a hug today. we are all in this together!!

.....and i must THANK my dr. mcdreamy (grey's anatomy reference for MY neuro-surgeon) for leaving my hair intact. he was good, and vain. he understood. i remember his nice white teeth.
costa rican gentleman. bless him, bless him....

hubby and i are falling in love all over again.
we ARE joined at the hip. we ARE a great team. i will take what i can get from him in a heartbeat. we laff a lot. we ARE a love story in progress....

i cry a lot
tears of joy and blessings. tears of fears.
i must be ready
i must make some important decisions:
like those that hubby must face
how incapacitated i will accept
it sucks.
i'll never be OLD
i am the ALWAYS the youngest
girl in the doctor's waiting room

but will i ever be the same?
my short-term goal is just to dance.
the end-all, be-all, of ALL that is ME.
it is gonna be hard work
cuz i am impaired
NO muscle mass at all
just skin and bones
and slow, slow, slow

its an uphill climb
toward
what?