Holiday 2006

I feel all squiggly inside
a flurry of emotions and feelings
to add to my stress level
now I have xmas and chanukah gifts
and holiday cards with pix of the kids
just to name a few

don’t tell me I shouldn’t worry
or fret
cuz no matter what you say,
I will.
I want to give back
to those that gave so much to me
to recognize and acknowlege
my family, my extended family,
my girlfriends who are like goddesses
the gift you all have given me
the love and support I feel from YOU

I’ve got various therapies scheduled all week
speech, occupational, and physical
I don’t want to go anywhere
do anything
no parties, or therapies, no stores or shopping
or even on a walk
I just want to stay inside and hide
ALONE

I’ve changed, I think
altho I do still think of myself
as one who ‘boldy goes’
hence my (ahem) falling,
I no longer feel fearless
I am worried to death
in spite of what everyone says.
Who wouldn’t be?

I am getting better physically
I’ve dropped the steroids
weaning me down to nearly nothing
only 1.5mg/day
from 16mg/day!
I am relieved, but dubious
I hope I will be ok, and it won’t be too hard

school concerts: band and choir
swim meets, parties, therapies,
dentist appointments for the kids,
lifeguard classes for zack,
cancer dinners with other teens for them both
go, go, go
I just want to stay home and hide
I have become accustomed to having brain cancer
it no longer feels new.

In fact, its starting to get reeeal old.