the real reality

its been a tough week.
faced with my own mortality
the permanence of the situation
that i will never, ever
be the same
physically, emotionally, cognitively or
spiritually

we set up trusts for the kids
and for ourselves
who gets my ring,
and stuff like that.
sorry zack

i saw a chart this week that had survival rates
for glioblastomas (GBMs)and other lesser tumors.
30% chance i'll survive 1yr.
[chaa!! i don't think so! snap!]
it goes from 9% for 2yrs,
down to 2% for 10yrs.
as opposed to lesser tumors:
44% for 10yr survival

so, of course we all say
hey!
someone has got to be that 2%
why not me?
look at all the love
feel all the love
i am strong
i am empowered
i have a collective of women
all my goddesses
to support me and protect me
keep me going
to weather the storm

but, the truth is:
we really don't know
do we?
how rocky and bumpy
will it be?
sooner? later?
fast? slow?
hospice?

it makes me so mad that
i know its inevitable
and soon, too.
you can say
that the same holds true for you.
you could be hit by a bus tomorrow,
or struck by lightning
when your time is up,
you are done.

well i'm not done yet.