friday

my house is so quiet
it will be for hours upon hours
its cold and raining outside
all my goddesses
are otherwise entertained
else i'd have something to do.

i've cleaned out my closets,
done laundry
tried to write letters
but
the words are hard to find
so here i sit
speechless and numb
waiting
just waiting

an ode to elaine (re-issued)

there sure is something satisfying about
the zen of getting bronzed
wearing the perfect tanning top
that shows a great glow
as i look up
i find the spot
in the sky
become one with the sun
smile
close my eyes
and say:
MMMMMMMMMM

i dare say its not vanity
that drives me either
to get that perfect glow
it goes much deeper than that
to the essence of
who i am
i need the warmth and comfort
that only summer can bring

there is no better feeling
in the world
its so hard to explain
no matter where you are,
be it on vacation
or right here at home
the conditions were just right
today

exercising my brain
or walking
good and strong

it was my day

...and the bad news

even tho i am on
Temodar (my chemo drug)
that was supposed
to keep my platelets
within the normal range
it is not the
silver lining
i had hoped it would be
normal range: 150,000-400,000.
yesterday i was
875,000.
its been inching up
and this is my chemo week too,
a time when it should be low

dagnabbit!

good news......

...for now.

another clear MRI!

-------------

there is a race
in Washington, DC
for brain tumor research
where there are teams
that raise money.
so far there are
30 people
who have signed up
for my team:
"Ellie's Peeps"

a friend passed
it on to me.
now i will pass
onto you!

You can check out the website
for more info
www.curebraintumors.org.

thanx!

the state of the world

what, fer pete's sake,
is wrong with the
human race?

these killings at Virginia Tech!
Rick went to Virginia Tech
Nancy too
everybody is either
a hokie, or a cavalier
around these parts
its amazing that only
1 person from the area
was killed*

korean
african american
or black or latino
even a rabbi
(in a sex sting!)
what is there about some
people
no matter what race,
ethnicity,culture
they are just inherently
EVIL?

the world is swirling with
so much excitement
around me
over the situation
we find ourselves in
a needless excuse for war
good ole boy GW
a total pussy on 9/11
(what were you thinking???)
katrina, katrina and
global warming


there is so much HATE swirling around
maybe it would be ok
if i didn't hang around
too much longer.
its really painful to watch.


* UPDATE:
at least six were from northern virginia, including the shooter himself.
damn it.

this valuable time

what we have here,
is a problem
communicating.
my heart just aches
at the emptiness
the loneliness
i feel
i don't want this valuable time
to slip away
my goddess girlfriends
can only take me so far

the anger wells up inside me
sometimes i feel like
i could just scream
or run (or hobble) away

i have lost my gift of gab
and find myself in the
most interesting situation:
telling my family what to do.
emails from coaches, teachers and neighbors
schedules, doctor appointments
just the everyday bullshit
it's my j-o-b, man
i am the one who
keeps this house running
why does my family
think that i am mad at them
when i tell them 'what to do'.
is it because i have run out of
interesting things to say?
the balance is off.
my life is so quiet
i rarely see any of them
its all become so fleeting

my son is mad at me
as soon as i bring up
school
he runs off in a huff.
dear daughter is no better
she eats like a bird
is totally overextended:
soccer, ballet, tap, and track
she looks so tired all the time
it breaks my heart

and hubby?
he's back at work
full time
he comes home and sits
in his spot
on the couch
reading the paper
every. single. day.
i am so desperate
for some conversation,
i sit and try to talk to him
but my life is so stunted
i am mute.

the days pass by
week after week
month after month
the truth is
i am happier alone.
i am my best friend
i like me!
my world is a whole lot quieter

see what i mean?

i told you so!
we had nothing to do with it either.
it happens all. the. time.

our villa number....22

an "ok" time was had by all.
it was nice to be away.
it's great to be home